Captain America

ADVANTAGES: Captain America is the peak level of human perfection. He is augmented in every way, strength, speed, endurance, agility, etc. Captain America is proficient in hand-to-hand combat. Ability to use his specially designed vibranium shield for numerous tasks

BACKGROUND: It was the 1940s and Steve Rogers was a frail and weak lad who wanted to serve his country. He was turned away because of his poor state of health. Instead, Steve was offered an opportunity to participate in a program that would forever change him. He was given the Super-Soldier Serum and blasted with vita-rays.

Steve grew into the ultimate soldier. He was ripped. He could have strutted around on the beach, and sired many children, but instead he went out to fight the Nazi menace during WWII.

During a particularily harrowing mission, Captain America was frozen in a block of ice where he was preserved for years and years. Eventually, Captain America was thawed out and he resumed his life of being super skilled at pretty much everything, while others watched on jealously.

Captain America has fought with numerous heroes and villains, and he always handles himself like a gentleman and a scholar, as he pummels your face in with his shield, which in D&D would be like, a really good shield.

Unfortunately, at press time, Captain America was assassinated, but his awesomeness lives on in the minds and hearts of many jealous people who wished they could have their scrawny, scraggly, stoner-asses transformed into an Adonis.

SMUDGE SAYS: Captain America is a great character because he represents all that is great. No, not the American Dream, but the ability to be pretty much classified as useless , and then be converted into what is considered to be the perfect specimen. Kinda like the Narcissus was to wrestling. Yeah, Lex Luger. You know, he had the rebel rack... Anyway, I digress.

I wonder how many comic book nerds went into the ARMY hoping for a sweet deal like that, but instead were given an Anthrax vaccination, got really sick from it and were discharged. Probably not many, but they are out there. If you are one of these unfortunate souls, drop us an e-mail. I think we have a few Big Smudge buttons lying around here to help ease the pain.