#6 IT – 1990 – Age 8
This movie was made for T.V. But don’t let the fact that Stephen King has whored out some awful adaptations of his work fool you on this one. IT is one mind fuck after another with this damn movie. Pennywise, the clown is a child killing monster, wiping out the children of Derry, Maine. There are plenty of scenes with blood filled balloons exploding in the kid’s faces, and other trauma inducing scenes. But one of the most insane scenes is where Pennywise convinces a child to simply reach into the sewer to get his paper boat back.
#5 The Blob – 1988 – Age 6
The blob. Such an awesome movie. It has Kevin Dillon acting all cool in it, and a ton of mofos get wrecked/dissolved in many excellent ways. Now I’m sure many of you would say that the guy having his entire body pulled into a pipe is the best scene, but in the very beginning of the movie, “Pretty Boy” Paul, gets his ass dissolved, and handed back to him. It kicks the movie off with a bang, or a squish. Hee hee.
#4 The Thing – 1982 – Age 0
Before I even begin this one, let me just say that this is one of my favourite movies. It is just one intense scene after another, but I have to say, that as a kid, one who liked dogs, this was particularly hard to take. One of the dogs hatches open, sprouting wiry spider legs, while scary rattle snake noises are going off. Then it starts killing all of the dogs and absorbing them, and spraying them with some kind of goo, and then when the humans arrive, they start killing the dogs out of mercy, and then flame throwers are going off... I mean Jesus. It’s just a little too much for a newborn to take. You get me!?
