Synopsis:
Time for a relaxing beach vacation. The Predator chooses beautiful planet Earth to spend his days frolicking in the sun. Unfortunately, the first day he is there, a massive shark starts tearing people apart.
Predator begins to panic when he hears that the beach may be shut down because of the vicious attacks. So much for a vacation. On the plus side, if he kills Jaws, then he has a massive trophy in the skull of the greatest of great white sharks.
Breakdown:
Predator has all kinds of gadgets to play with. A shoulder cannon that tore Mac and Blaine apart in the first Predator movie. He has wolverine claws, a spear, med packs, and sweet armour that can render him nearly invisible. The Predator is also bred to hunt, and has excellent strategy.
Also, he bleeds neon green. I don't know if that's a true advantage, but it's pretty cool.
Jaws is a big ass shark. He is angry all the time, and always seems to pop up at the worst times. He can swim deep below the ocean surface, so he can strike when he chooses to. He can jump ten feet out of the water, and his mouth can almost swallow a person whole.
Jaws is a tough mofo as well. He's been shot, blown up,and even kept hostage at a theme park, which twisted his demented mind even further.
Remember the movie Deep Blue Sea? It's about super smart sharks that escape their confines and then get killed by Thomas Jane and LL Cool J. Anyways, Jaws took them all on in one shot and killed them all. He's bad ass.
Between the two of these super hunters, they have killed: Bill Paxton, Gary Busey, Carl Weathers, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Mario Van Peebles, and Samuel L. Jackson*
And between the two of these super hunters, they have been killed by: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny Glover, Roy Scheider & Richard Dreyfuss, and Dennis Quaid.
That's a pretty good resume for these two. And now they go head to head.
Ed. Note: Samuel L. Jackson was not killed directly by Jaws, but since he killed and ate the sharks from the film Deep Blue Sea He digested some of Sam Jack, who was already resting in the belly of those sharks. Cast your votes.
Results: And so, the Predator traded in his European speedo for his battle armour and prepared for a hunt. Jaws prowled the area, looking for bodies to shred in half with his rows of razor sharp teeth. Predator rented a surfboard from “Tommy Gubb’s Surfboard Rental Shop Emporium” and set out on the water.
Hovering on his surfboard, the waves were choppy and it was hard to see anything through the refracting light. Predator switched on his heatseeking vision. No good. He cycled through his sensors until he could see the aquatic life moving below as a soft blue glow.
Predator chuckled as an Octopus raped a starfish on the ocean floor. A large school of fish was making it's way by underneath him, and Jaws made his move through the body of fish, masking his motion, that sneaky bastard. Jaws swam to the surface at a disturbing speed, looking to add the Predator to his list of famous casualties, second only to Mario Van Peebles.
When Jaws’ snout busted through the surfboard, he caught his prey completely unaware! Predator let out a scream, but as luck would have it, his feet landed on the upper and lower lip of Jaws. Seizing this one chance to try and survive, Predator leaned straight down and aimed his shoulder cannon into Jaws’ mouth. He Fired!
The blast went right into the massive shark’s mouth and blew his body apart from the mid-section down. If sharks could shit lasers, that’s what it would looked like.
Predator hit the water hard and sunk below the surface. When he awoke, he had washed ashore and that octopus from earlier had wrapped around his face. Embarrassed, Pred scooped the creature offand made his way back to the resort. He had some tanning to do.